Dad and Mom!
I know I said this last week, but I love getting your emails. They are the best things ever. I love all of your emails about the scriptures, especially your faith email. In our missionary purpose it says "Faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement" and I think that you hit the nail on the head with how we grow and develop our faith. Before coming to the MTC I thought that faith was like this mystical and magical unseen force and I was like uhhhh ya I got me some faith. But as missionaries, our whole purpose is to increase everyone's faith in the Savior and the way we do that is by asking them to keep commitments. Reading scriptures, saying prayers, going to church, and ultimately, being baptized is what shows that the person has faith. If someone doesn't keep commitments, it means they don't have faith and that we aren't ultimately helping them come unto Christ. So I LOVE what you said that being faithful is just doing the things that we're supposed to do. We're being faithful and exercising faith when we read our scriptures and say prayers because we have faith that we will receive blessings or knowledge or peace or whatever when we do. I don't know if that made any sense but it made sense to me so oh well.Mom! I like the jumpsuit!!! YAY FOR PANTS MY MOTHER IS A MODERN WOMAN!!! And the dress is so pretty too. I'm sure it'll be great no matter what you wear tonight (that is tonight, right?). I hope dad wins, that would be awesome. (Jared was nominated for the SNCO of the year award here at Lakenheath. I wasn't sure what to wear, but I did end up going with the jumpsuit because I'm a modern woman apparently. And Jared did win!) Is Abby still winning in the games of the week? Or have you and dad swooped in and stolen her title? Did Maddy tell you that her date got her an early Valentines present?? A little weird but okay, he sounds sweet, at least she isn't single as a pringle, like my good old sister missionary self. Your birthday is coming up soon too!!! I'll send a card your way mama;)This week has been rough not gonna lie. Honestly its just been these past few days. Get ready for the pity party. First of all, the Elders left us to go to Ogden on Wednesday. We got to take a break from class to go see them off and we all shook hands like good little missionaries and it was the saddest thing ever. No joke we got into the stairwell and started crying IMMEDIATELY and that's when we took the tear stained picture. Our district got so dang close in three weeks and it was so sad to seem them go but they are going to do awesome. Ogden has really lucked out getting this group of Elders because they are amazing.
Okay, now to continue with the sob fest. Wednesday marked the beginning of Visitor's Center training. I have three female teachers and zero male teachers and they are all married and gorgeous. They all served at Visitor's Centers or historic sites. They all said that initially they hated their call but then they grew to love it and we are "so lucky". No joke, they asked us to raise our hands if we were disappointed about our call at first. I was one of two girls out of the fifteen that wasn't disappointed so that was cool. And then we start learning about what we were going to be doing.
Basically, we don't get to teach people at all face to face. Just for like five minutes on the Square usually at the most. We will be doing online teaching. I knew that would be the case when I got my call but it all of the sudden just got crazy real They started showing us what we would be doing and I could not keep it together. I hate technology. I'm incompetent at computers. The system is not as simple as they say. We took a break after that and I cried. (that is two times crying up to this point). AND THEN we had to do an online TRC, not in person like we have been doing these past few weeks. And we had to just talk for five minutes and set up a follow up appointment for their BOM request. No jokes, sister Greenall got really good feedback from her person and my person said that I was impersonal and didn't do a good job basically #nailedit. Que the third cry session. After we came back to classroom they asked us "did it feel like real missionary work?" and most of the sisters were like yeah it was different but I liked it but I HATED IT AND I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE REAL MISSIONARY. After doing face to face things for so long, doing it over the phone felt terrible and I couldn't see them and it just felt impersonal even to me, like I was't even fulfilling my missionary purpose. So, we took another break and I cried again (I am up to four times crying and it isn't even noon).And here is the real kicker, normal people do the online thing. Like it isn't even just for missionaries. They have been telling us for WEEKS that we are the only ones that can do this call. We have been set apart to do it and no one else can do missionary work like we can because we have that priesthood and power and authority that no one else on the earth has (except the apostles). Shoot, an apostle even told us that we were apostolic!!! ( with a lowercase -a). BUT ANYONE CAN DO IT ONLINE. Lot's of people do it that aren't missionaries online. This is the main way that I even do missionary work and a missionary isn't even essential to do it. I was triggered and I felt worthless and that my call to serve was less significant than everyone elses. Now I'm crying again. five times in one day. And then I cried at lunch over who knows what. And then again, and again, and again. I cried 10 times if my calculations are correct. And then I got to the residence and cried two more times before bed.... and then I cried myself to sleep. It was just a hard freaking day.
Thursday was better though, thank goodness. We almost placed a Book of Mormon online with a real person (and not just a person that works for the MTC)!! And then she said never mind, my church won't let me have it. She had messaged in for a bible in the first place, we told her about the Book of Mormon and asked if she wanted one and she said "I would love a copy" and then said never mind her church won't let her have one. And then she didn't even want the bible and she said her church would get her a free copy. But she was nice about the whole thing and you could tell she felt bad about it. Oh well. That was exciting but it was sad too. The struggle is real. I've been praying a lot that my heart can be softened and that I can warm up to the idea of online teaching and missionary work and that I will have a change of heart and in class I'm trying to have an open heart but it's hard when you feel like anyone can do your job and low key it's like you're working at a call center but just bearing your testimony when you answer the phone.Thank goodness it's pday. We're going to the temple later and hopefully that will help with all of the bad feelings that I've been having. I know that Heavenly Father has got my back and I was called to this mission for a reason. Funny story, to end off on a high note. Joey's cousin is in my new MTC district because we're in the same mission!! She scares me to death though because she's so pretty. She is really nice so that's good. Also, Elder Brown sent me a package with snacks! If I think of anything else, I'll email you. I love you! Have fun tonight!! And tell me all about it and send lots of pics of you two looking all cute!! Let me know if he wins. I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! Sorry for throwing a pity party but thanks for reading it haha.Love,Sister Moran
What's up everyone!
It is my last week in the MTC!!!! I'm so excited to get out of this place because I am straight-up dying. Sister Greenall and I had to go off campus (hallelujah) because she has been sick and we had to get her some antibiotics. So even though she was sick and that's no fun, we got to ESCAPE and go across the street on a field trip. So huge shout out to Sister Greenall and her weak immune system because it got us out into the real world *raise the roof* With that being said, the MTC is super awesome. Like General Authorities come to speak to us awesome. Like Elder Holland general authority. That's right my people, Elder Holland came to speak to us on Tuesday!! It was the coolest thing ever. He made me laugh and cry and learn so much. I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father has given us these amazing men to communicate His will, it is such a blessing.
That wasn't the only exciting thing that happened this week because we had... FIGHT NIGHT!!! The Elders in our district regularly have fight night in their residence and they wrestle and then they will sometimes show us the videos the next day. Us Sisters felt like we were missing out on all of the fun so we had our own fight night.... well we tried to anyway. We only had one fight and that was between Sister Owens and me. We told our sister training leaders about it and they said "we should say no but we won't because we are dying for some entertainment" so we were all good and legal!! There were at least ten sisters there watching the fight and cheering. After two long (and exhausting I might add) rounds, Sister Owens and I decided to call it a draw. She has a bruise on her chest and I have rug burn on my elbows and knees and even somehow on the tops of my feet but it was worth it. We were going to have another pair of sisters fight but then some party pooper sister came in and said, "we're trying to read scriptures and write in journals if you wouldn't mind being quiet because it is quiet time after all. I can't believe that they wanted to unwind by writing in journals and not by watching fight night. To each their own I guess ;)
On Wednesday, we had to say goodbye to our Elders and send them off to Ogden. After the final goodbye, we couldn't even deal with the emotion and we were all crying up the stairs so we stopped to take a picture to document our loss. Our Elders are probably some of the best people ever and they're going to do some amazing (and funny and maybe even stupid) stuff in Ogden. If that wasn't bad enough, we started visitor center training and I suck at it. To keep it brief, computers are not my friend and I can barely log on, let alone try and confirm a free Book of Mormon order. We have online people to teach now which is weird and feels not super personal. I wish that we had started with doing the online things and not teaching in person because now I know the difference and teaching online just doesn't make me feel as happy afterward. But it's all good!! I only cried like five times about it so I think I got it all out of my system and I should be good now (I hope). I know that there are people that I will be able to help online, it's just going to take some getting used to. On a happier note, we got to host again this week and you will all be happy to hear that I didn't even cry this time... well not as much as I did last week anyway. Plus, I got to carry more suitcases up lots of flights of stairs so watch out for when I get home #swolebodysistermoran. So throughout all of Wednesday, I think I cried 12 times total, but it be like that sometimes. Maybe I should just cancel my subscription to emotions. If anyone knows how to do that, hit me up ;)
Tomorrow we get to go to Temple Square (yay for another field trip) for the afternoon and learn more about how to fulfill our missionary purpose in a visitors center. I think it will be fun! I'm excited to get to know the girls in my new district better, even if they scare me with all of their beauty and brains and stuff. At least I still have a super fun and cute companion that will help me out when I need it. We have a mutually beneficial relationship, I feed her goldfish and gummy bears and she feeds me popcorn. What could be better?!
I'm so excited to get in the field on WEDNESDAY as in less than a week from now. It's going to be amazing. I know that even though I might be having a hard time now, I'll be able to get through it and my less than ideal technology brain will eventually get better. The Lord gives us weaknesses so we can come closer to Him and in doing so, He makes our weaknesses strengths (it says that in Ether 12:27:). I love and miss you all and I love hearing from you so email me anytime and I'll do my best to respond!
Love,
Sister Moran
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